Question: If H20 is on the inside of a fire hydrant,
what is on the outside?
Answer: K9P
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A nursery school teacher was
delivering a
station wagon full of kids home
one day when
a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting
in the
front seat of the fire truck
was a Dalmatian
dog. The children fell to discussing
the
dog's duties. "They use
him to keep
crowds back," said one youngster.
"No,"
said another, "he's just
for good luck."
A third child brought the argument
to a close.
"They use the dogs,"
she said firmly,
"to find the fire hydrant."
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How is it one careless match
can start a
forest fire,
but it takes a whole box to start
a barbecue?
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A fire chief died and went to heaven. When
he got there he saw a long line
waiting to
get in to the pearly gates. He
told himself,
"I am a fire chief, I'm
not going to
wait in line." He went to
the angels
guarding the gates and said,
"Let me
in, I'm a fire chief." The
angels replied,
"You'll have to wait in
line like everyone
else, sir." While waiting
at the back
of the line he saw a sedan pull
up with red
lights and a man got out wearing
a white
helmet that said "CHIEF."
The angels
popped to attention and let the
chief enter
heaven. The waiting fire chief
was really
upset now and went to talk to
the angels.
He asked, "Why did you let
that fire
chief go through and not me?"
To which
the angels replied, "You
have it all
wrong, sir. That's GOD, he just
thinks he's
a fire chief."
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A farmer looks out his kitchen window and
discovers that his barn is on
fire. Very
excited, he calls the fire dept
screaming,
"Come quick, come quick,
my barn's on
fire!" On the other end
of the line
a very experienced fire captain
responds,
"All right sir, calm down
and tell me
where you are." "Why
I'm in the
kitchen!" responded the
farmer, Now
hurry up, before my barn burns
to the ground!"
"No,no!" said the fire
captain,
"How do we get there?"
The farmer
pauses for a moment then asks,
"Well,
don't you have that big red truck
any more!"
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Question: How many firemen does it take to
change a light bulb?
Answer: Four - one to change the bulb and
three to cut a hole in the roof.
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After the fire-truck arrived at a burning
building in a small Spanish town,
the firemen
observed a man dressed in a matador's
costume
prancing around on the roof.
Four of the
firemen held a safety-net and
urged him to
escape from the burning building
by jumping
into the net. He refused and
loudly proclaimed,
"I'm Fearless Jose the bullfighter
who
fears nothing, not even fire."
The firemen begged and pleaded
but to no
avail. Jose kept prancing around
while repeating
the same phrase over and over
until the firemen
got really sick and tired of
hearing it.
Finally, when the flames began
to scorch
his butt, Jose announced he had
changed his
mind, was ready to jump and then
leaped off
the rooftop. As his body hurtled
toward the
safety-net, the four firemen
shouted, "Ole!"
and quickly moved it aside.
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Firefighters don't go to Hell 'cause they
just put it out.
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Question: What does CHAOS stand for??
Answer: The Chiefs Have Arrived On Scene.
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Old firefighters never die, they just stop
arson around.
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If the Chief and a Newbie both jumped out
of a burning building at the
same time, which
one would hit the net first?
The Chief, because the Newbie would have
to stop and ask for directions.
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FIREMEN are always in heat.
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You Know You're a Firefighter When...
1. You can tell what type of
fire it is by
the smell of smoke 10 miles away.
2. You have ever had a heated
debate over
the color of firetrucks.
3. You have ever spent 10 min
trying to force
open a door only to have someone
come along
and open it by turning the handle.
4. You have ever taken 10 or
more showers
in 1 day.
5. You have ever been airborne
without an
aircraft and water was your thrust.
6. You have ever slept in a hosebed.
7. You've ever clung to the air
horn chord
for dear life because the driver
is insane.
8. You have ever played jingle
bells at Xmas
time on the air horns to clear
traffic.
9. You have ever said, "she's
hot tonight"
and not been talking about a
girl.
10. You have ever had "yoda
ears."
11. You have ever smoked and
there wasn't
a cigarette in sight.
12. You have ever stomped out
a fire with
your boots because you couldn't
wait for
water.
13. Your kids are afraid to get
into water
fights with you.
14. You have ever uttered the
words, "I
can break the door if you need
me to Cap,"
before actually testing to see
if it is locked.
15. If you have more toy fire
trucks than
your kids do.
16. You run towards a dangerous
situation
and not away from it.
17. You have ever been dressed
from head
to foot in rubber and it was
not a sexual
experience.
18. Your idea of ventilation
is done with
a chainsaw and not a Bag-Valve-Mask.
19. You've ever cursed a guy
for amor-alling
the seats in the rig.
20. You take great joy in smashing
the windows
of a car parked in a fire zone
or in front
of a hydrant.
21. You take pride in the fact
that you haven't
washed your gear in years.
22. All the shirts you own say
you are a
firefighter.
23. The smell of a fire excites
you more
than sex does.
24. A great stop has nothing
to do with a
moving vehicle.
25. You roll around in anything
that just
burned to make your new gear
look old.
26. You have ever juggled hot
coals with
your gloves.
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Incase of an emergency.......... Sleep with
a firefighter.
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A man calls the fire department and says,
"Yes, I have just had my
front yard
landscaped, I have a nice new
flower bed,
a new fish pond with a fountain
and a new
rose garden."
"Very nice," the firefighter
says,
"but what does that have
to do with
the fire service?"
"Well," the man answers,
"the
house next door is on fire and
I don't want
you to trample my front yard."
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Why do firemen wear RED suspenders? To hold up their pants. Duh.
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Behind every fireman is a woman holding his
hose.
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FIREMEN are proud of their hoses.
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Redneck Firefighters
--- You might be on a redneck fire department
if...
Your department has ever had
two emergency
vehicles pulled over for drag
racing on the
way to the scene.
You have naked lady mud flaps
on your pumper.
Your firehouse has wheels.
You've ever gotten back and found
out you
locked yourselves out of the
firehouse.
Fire training consists of everyone
standing
around a fire gettin' drunk.
You've ever been toned out on
an outhouse
fire.
That outhouse fire was with entrapment.
You've ever let a person's house
burn down
because they wouldn't let you
hunt on their
ground.
At least one vehicle in the firehouse
still
has decorations on it from the
Halloween
Parade and it's January.
Your personnel vehicle has more
lights on
it than your house has lights
in it.
You don't own a Dalmation, but
you do have
a coon dog named Sparky.
You've ever walked through a
christmas display
and came up with more than 3
new ideas for
a light scheme for your truck.
Your rescue truck can smoke the
tires.
Your department's name is misspelled
on the
equipment.
Your engine had to be towed in
the last Christmas
Parade.
Dispatch can't mention your name
without
laughing.
The local news crew won't put
your department
on TV because you embarassed
them last time.
You've ever referred to a light
bar as sexy.
Your defib consists of a pair
of jumper cables,
a marine battery, and a fish
finder.
You've ever taken a girl on a
date in a pumper.
Your pumper has been on fire
more times than
it has been to a fire.
Your pumper smokes more than
the house fire.
The only time the trucks leave
the station
is on bingo night.
Your apparatus has carbon monoxide
detectors
mounted in the cab.
You return from a fire with more
junk than
you arrived with.
The Chief's car has a rag for
a gas cap.
You have tobacco spit stains
on the side
off your engines
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Q. What is the difference between a fire
story and a fairy tale?
A. One starts out, "Once
upon a time..."
and the other starts out, "No
shit.
There I was...."
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The Ten Commandments of Rolling
Code
1. Thou shalt threat thy pumper
as though
it were your firstborn child.
2. Blow thy siren and shine thy
light with
great vigor enroute.
3. Know where thy goest at all
times.
4. Be certain all those in attendance
are
affixed prior to venturing forth.
5. Thou shalt arriveth shiny
side up.
6. Be ever so humble when thy
mic is keyed.
7. Thou shalt not leave thy station
'til
thy door is openeth.
8. Thou shalt not closeth thy
bay door too
soon.
9. Thou shalt closeth all compartment
doors
when thou art done.
10. Thou shalt never chastise
thy driver
for making a wrong turn when
it results in
a return to the firehouse.
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NOTE These jokes are not meant to offend or belittle
our courageous and honorable firefighters.
The jokes are
here to see
the lighter side
of their hard
effort and
release some pressure
with a good
laugh.
~ signed, your
friendly puvfd
webmaster ~
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